Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
