So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize