I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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