We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
