Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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