Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
