can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
