it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
