I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
