How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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