I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
