is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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