He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
