you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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