last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
