She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
