Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
