ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize