You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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