I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
