i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
