I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
