Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
