dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
