look no pants
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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