Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
