hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
