you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
