Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
