I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
