you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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