I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
