he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
