you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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