Your face is a jimmy john
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
