i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
