T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
