I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
