I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
