May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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