I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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