There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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