he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
