Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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