I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
