why im i the only drunk person in the library?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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