i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize