Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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