dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
