I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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