Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
