I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
