i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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