What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
