He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
