tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize