Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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