Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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