I wish I could teleport
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
