The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
