the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
