i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
