mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I want to have your abortion
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
