They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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