Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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