I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
