please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
