I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
