i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
false alarm, still single
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