can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
