do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
