Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
