You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
