Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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