well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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