Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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