WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
