After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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