i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
