Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize