Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
