OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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