why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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