Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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