I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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