there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
