Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
