Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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