Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
