you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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