For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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