Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
