let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
