This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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