I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
