Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
