anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize