Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
