It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
