You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
