i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
