He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
