I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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