I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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