i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
