Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
