white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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