the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Found your dick twin last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
