Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
