You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
