Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
