So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
