Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
