I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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