would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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